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Mary's Blog

A Sweet Comparison

February 17th, 2015

imageAn EARLY-morning return flight. It was me and Mr. Moon. I had hoped to sleep the majority of the way. Good seat. My favorite, a window, which means I could lean my head against the window and snore. Sometimes I also drool. It’s lovely.

However, my “neighbor” was obviously a morning person. Morning people are absolutely wonderful IF you are a morning person. So I gave up my hope of sleep, fastened my seatbelt, and prepped myself for a flight with Chatty Cathy (and made a mental note to purchase some noise-reduction headphones).

I had flown down for a funeral. She had flown down for a wedding.

After reminiscing about the courtship, she shared photos of the happy couple. They were dressed to the nines. She passionately shared the whole adventure. Talked about the prep work, the food, food, food, food, the mansion alongside the ocean where vows were exchanged, the way their eyes were fixed on each other. They saw no one else. The sweetness of it all.

I found myself listening and smiling, sharing the joy and the excitement she had experienced. I too felt the sweetness. And through it all, I caught a glimpse of the funeral. Yes, I started to make a comparison.

My precious loved one had an amazing courtship with his Lord and Savior. His joy was obvious in every picture that you saw of him. And now—now, he was with his beloved Lord. Now he was in His presence, and I am sure his eyes were fixed to His. God, a holy God, had prepared a place for my dear friend, a mansion. Ahhh, the sweetness of it all.

And the mental note I made to purchase some headphones, I scratched it. I not only gained some insight, but made a new friend. And yes, she has a dog!

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Storming. Thunder. Lightning.

December 14th, 2012

I am awakened by a presence….my dog hovering over me.   She isn’t pawing, isn’t whining, isn’t pacing.  Just hovering.   She doesn’t like the storm and I can’t say I blame her.

She was a stray on the side of the road, probably bred/born there…and probably would have never been caught if it wasn’t for the fact she herself was expecting….ready to POP!   A wonderful woman brought her home, gave her shelter and food.  She in turn blessed her with 11 puppies the very next day.  Lol.  Sweet dog, but obviously terrified of humans, the thing called “inside” and anything that moved quickly.  So, LadyBird weaned her pups, sweet woman found homes for all 11 and was then brought to me for training.

I’d never seen a dog so frightened.   Yet…she never reacted aggressively to her fear.   She would hide.  She would retreat.  I saw a small part of myself in her.

So, we bonded!  We spent hours on desensitizing.  Turning the TV on and off would send her flying out of a room, so we sat on a couch and with peanut butter in hand…turned the TV on and off….for THREE hours.   Visitors came to know not to approach her, let her come on her terms and then kneel to welcome her.  Allow her time to sniff.   Allow her to come at her own pace.   Allow her time to trust.   Ice maker, microwave, oven, dishwasher….all became instruments of really creative training.  But her greatest fear….storms.

The first night she paced, whined, shook.   There was a fear in her eyes that spoke volumes and broke my heart.  So, we got out of bed.   We went into the living room and turned on all the lights.   We positioned ourselves on the couch away from any view of a window.  We turned on the TV and grabbed the peanut butter.  And we stayed.

I like storms. I like sitting on the porch and watch them come rolling in over the mtns.

The thunder rolled & clapped…& as she snuggled by me….I was calm.  When she would relax, she would recv gentle reassuring pats and peanut butter.   We spoke volumes without a word.  It was a quiet time…and again, I found myself relating to this precious pup.

Now, she simply hovers….and I pull back the covers and she snuggles in beside me…calm, quiet and confident that things will be ok.    Oh, how I yearn to have that level of trust with my Savior.

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Breathe

October 11th, 2012

snowI had to pull over. I was confused. Admittedly, when I have the urge to take thumbs to iPhone notes ( my version of journaling), it is usually in the wee hours of the morning. More like the middle of the night. But, here it is, 10 AM, and I feel the urge to write.

Immediately, I find myself frustrated. I argue with God…”not a good time..my day is super busy”, as if He is unaware of my life. I try to brush it off, keep driving. “Gonna be late, punctuality is next to godliness”, and I hear God chuckle as I try to use THAT excuse! I finally pull over. I start typing. I finally turn the car off and roll the windows down. I try to be still.

Being still is probably one of the hardest things for me. Listening is right up there next to it. So, as I sat in my car and tried to meditate, tried to hear what God was saying, it was a true battle. “God, there are cars passing me, I have to get going”. If I had chosen a place for me to be quiet/still, a rambling brook or hammock would have been my first choices…NOT a busy highway. Obviously, God wanted me to step out of my box. So here I sit, on the side of the road, attempting to drown out the sounds of the vehicles passing, the sound of the dog in the back seat pacing, and try to listen to just Him.

As my mind wanders to all the different rabbit trails it finds so easily attracted to…I take a breath. Short, panicky type at first…but then I am able to breath deeper, to clear my mind more. I tell myself that it is not the “performance” God is so interested in as it is the obedience. I hold on to that as my mind rabbit trails once again. Then I ask for forgiveness cause I swore because I rabbit trailed….jeez.

Why is it so hard for us to slow down? Why do we feel the need to speed? Why do we feel our bodies, our minds, don’t need that recharge that peace brings? Didn’t Christ himself take the time? Are we to think our bodies are stronger~~emotionally, spiritually, physically~~ than His? Or are we just scared.

Take the chance. Take the baby steps. Find the peace that He gives. Breathe. It is so worth it.

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Mom

April 2nd, 2012

As we sat with Pastor Alex in Elizabeth’s family room and discussed your service…you looked at each of us and said you would like it if we would say a few words. Immediate panic! I was seated between Rich, the preacher, and Elizabeth, the financial planner. Talking and writing come natural to them. I, on the other hand, work with dogs. “Sit”. “Come”. “Stay”. How could I put into words my deepest love…how could I convey what impact you had on my life?

“Sit Mary Catherine. Sit STILL Mary Catherine.” Those words rang in my ears more frequently than the bells in a church belfry. And…it was usually at church! You single handledly managed to have your flock in church almost every Sunday. We wiggled, we wore shorts under our dresses so we could jump on our cousins trampoline after church, & we hollered ” I’m hungry too!!” when told we were too young for communion….but you had us there. You had us sit. And we listened. And we heard. How you persevered as we squirmed!

Come. Yes, we came. Each one of us…to the foot of the cross. Each in our own time and our own way…your Lord and Saviour became our Lord and Saviour. How you rejoiced as we each made that personal decision.

“Stay out of my woodpile”. This loving phrase was used with each of us as you willingly passed on your wisdom in the hopes we would draw close to our Lord and avoid making choices we would regret later. I treasured your openness about your life. We knew you weren’t perfect. We knew it was ok that we weren’t. How you prayed when we wandered.

Come to the CrossYour legacy….your ongoing message… it is as sweet and never ending as is your love. Sit at His feet & learn of Him. Come to the foot of the cross and rejoice! Stay, and be still…know that He is God.

You, my dearest mother, gave us the greatest gift….your love….thereby showing our Saviour’s love. One day we will join you in heaven, we will sit with you at our Fathers feet. We will come and eat at His table. We will stay for eternity. Then…yes then, I will be still.

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Where Did the Time Go?

March 8th, 2012

clockThey just rolled mom back for her PET scan…..as I watched her go down the hall, I prayed for the results to “give”” us as much time as possible with her. Quality time. I paused for this moment as I watch the woman who gave me life enter into a test that will indicate how much longer hers will last, for in my lap is the baby’s quilt I am knitting for her first great granddchild.

Will she meet this child? Will she know who they are? Possibly not. Will they know who she is? We will make sure of it. They will hear stories of Rufus early on. They will know the joy, laughter and vitality this woman brought into everyone’s life. They will hear of infamous Rufus stories and she will live on. They will know of her love for family and for her Lord. Her legacy is priceless. She is priceless.

Where did the time go?

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Today We Won

March 1st, 2012

Today, we found out we lost. The cancer has spread. It is pressing on the airway and will eventually block it completely.

The battle is over. The battle has just begun.

The cancer has won, so now the battle changes. Now the battle consist of Living Wills, DNR’s, Hospice. The battle is stealing every day, every hour, every minute….every priceless, timeless moment.

So I choose to thank you God. For your compassion in times of doubt and frustration. For your understanding and mercy in times of anger. For your Son. For taking on our battle.

Today we won.

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I Want to Scream

October 29th, 2009

I want to scream
I want to get out of here
I don’t want to talk about it
I want to be normal again
I don’t want to do this
I want to be ok
Why?

I was ok…I was strong…I was the rock….to my children,sisters, mother, friends—all who were in a panic over my diagnosis. I couldn’t let them see my deep fear…I had to be strong for their sakes. I loved them too much to cause them more anxiety. If this thing was going to effect me…by George I was going to do my best not to share my fears!

Hit by a bus
Numb
Stick my head in the sand
I knew it
Shock
Denial
Hide under a rock
Not me
Why?

Seriously?
Really god?
Are you feakin’ kidding me?
Timing sucks
Public stmt: it’s a boob, I’ve nursed my children, it’s served it’s purpose
Inside: one boob?? I’m just entering the dating scene!!!!

Head spinning.

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